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gay wedding

PLANNING THE DETAILS
                        BASICS I  |  THE BASICS II  |  SPECIFICS I  |  SPECIFICS II                  

PRINTED MATERIALS  |  FLOWERS & DECOR   |  ATTIRE

Having decided the theme, style and formality of the wedding we were ready to see them come to life in the details.

PRINTED MATERIALS

Printing of the formal pieces was done through Fairy Tales, a mother and daughter owned company that provide print, cake and floral services, so that we could ensure our theme was consistent across all three aspects of the wedding.  However, they specialized in somewhat feminine looking handcrafted invitations and in the process of showing them the type of masculine look we wanted for our print pieces we ended up designing them ourselves.  Not that we're complaining though!  We were more particular about the printed materials than about any other aspect of the wedding.  It was essential that the invitations instantly and clearly established the theme, formality and special significance of our big day.  And all subsequent print materials had to incorporate the same consistent messaging in order to cement the professional and subtly upscale atmosphere we were trying to create.  For months we researched traditional invitation styles and experimented with layout variations. In the meantime, Fairy Tales helped us choose the stock and gave us advice on what pieces to order and in what quantities.  

- THE RESULTS - 

The results were certainly worth all the work. We were thrilled with the design of final invitation packages, thank you cards and programmes as they had just the right combination of formality and understated creativity to set the tone for the wedding.   From our perspective our extensive involvement meant not having to settle for second choice in any important aspect of the pieces - we got exactly the font type, paper stock, size and layout that we wanted!  (If we had unlimited funds we could have gone even farther but isn't that always the case?)  This satisfaction from a job well done was all we really wanted but we were unexpectedly  rewarded with rave reviews from our guests - people were still telling us how much they loved our invitations months after the ceremony!  

The actual printing of the materials was another story.  For reasons detailed under REFERRALS, the invitations looked great and arrived on time despite Fairy Tales rather than because of them.  A combination of less-than-prompt service and the great distance between our home and theirs (they were about a 45 minute drive away), led to Peter printing the invitation inserts himself at work and having the after-party invites professionally produced at a nearby printer.   In theory it made sense to have multiple services provided by one group of people but in retrospect we realize that if you are going to be as hands-on as we were, you will be able to ensure consistency across the board no matter how many suppliers you use.  A word of caution if you want to design all your material in Word (like we did) and deal directly with a professional printing company.  You need to either find a very accommodating printer or you need to be at least somewhat familiar with the electronic print process (i.e. know what can and can’t be done for a reasonable amount of money, know how to prepare an electronic file for print).  And be sure to insist on proofs before any of the pieces are actually printed in quantity to make sure you don't learn your lessons the expensive way!  Better yet, insist on the proofs far enough in advance of the mailing that the printer has time to re-do them if necessary!

But back to the good stuff.  One of the nicest touches was the programme.  We had never heard of wedding programmes until we came across some examples in an invitation catalogue.  It was a wonderfully simple way to make sure all our our guests felt included by letting them know  the names of the wedding party members, the officiant, our parents and the readings (as well as the musical selections).  It also served another purpose high on our priority list which was to allow guests to be at ease at a same-sex ceremony rather than having no idea of what to expect.  One glance at the programme as they took their seat and they would realize this would be pretty much like any other traditional wedding they had attended in the past.

See our separate Printed Material Details for illustrations and descriptions of the individual print pieces.  See also the Guests portion of this section for advice on inviting people to the ceremony but not the reception.  

FLOWERS & DECOR

Armed with our wedding magazine cutouts, we told Val (the mother half of the Fairy Tales mother and daughter team)  that we wanted her to reflect the autumn theme through the decor.  Our only apprehension was that fall themed flowers might look too dull if they were all browns and dark colours.  Val assured us she knew exactly what we were looking for and we had no choice but to trust her since many of the flowers and plants she was suggesting were not available for us to view when we planned the decor in the summer.  We could have eliminated our concerns by having an abundance of floral arrangements to counteract their understated tones but the prohibitive cost of flowers dictated that we would have to settle for placing a limited number of arrangements in very strategic locations.  Once again, the choice of venue worked to our advantage as the church was designed in a very Spartan style which meant that every bit of decoration we added would stand out clearly.  We would also make the most of our money by reusing the ceremony decor at the reception.  In addition, Black Creek Pioneer Village provided candles in the church and oil lamp centerpieces at the reception as part of the venue rental fee.  

Boutonnières and corsages, on the other hand, weren't ever a concern.  Although we initially didn't know a single thing about them, Val had an abundance of knowledge on the topic.  She informed us that grooms had two-flower boutonnières to distinguish them from the groomsmen who wore a single flower.  Fathers also wore one-flower boutonnières while mothers wore two-flower corsages and grandmothers wore three roses.  The female ushers were a unique challenge but Val helped us come to a great solution as described in the SAME-SEX CEREMONIES section.  All the flowers worn by family and wedding party members would be in fall colours.  

- THE RESULTS - 

There are not words to describe the stunning quality of the floral arrangements.  Val quite literally exceeded every expectation we had.  Yes, they were expensive - they cost more than any other single item in the wedding including dinner for 54 people - but boy did we get our money's worth!

The boutonnières and corsages were equally exquisite.  Check out our separate Decor Detail to see what we mean. 

ATTIRE

Emily Post books divide formal wear into Most Formal, Semiformal or Informal and each has a daytime and evening variation.  Since we had already decided on a semi-formal tone and a daytime wedding, Etiquette called for:

• a black or charcoal sack coat with gray striped trousers

• gray waistcoat

• white shirt with turndown collar

• four-in-hand tie

• gray gloves

• black smooth-toe shoes.  

This seemed simple enough until we discovered that major formalwear rental chains don't use the same terms as Emily Post!  Even worse, they cared the least about tradition of any wedding supplier we encountered and consistently tried to get us to ignore established guidelines.  

So how the do you figure out what a sack coat is if the tuxedo renters can't tell you?  We did our own research and found the biggest help regarding formal wear was Weddingbells.com's Glossary of Formalwear Terms.  This, combined with the illustrations from a Tuxedo Junction catalogue (at left), create a great guide for everyone who doesn't summer in the Hamptons but who would still like to aspire to higher standards than those put forward by the high school part-timers working at the local tux rental shop.  

From the glossary we discovered that: 

• a waistcoat is another word for a vest 

• a turndown collar (the book also used the term fold-down) is a standard shirt collar 

• a four-in-hand tie is a formal version of a business tie 

These discoveries were great news as all these styles matched our personal tastes: we preferred vests over cummerbunds, turndown collars over winged collars and regular ties over bowties.  Unfortunately Peter also really wanted shawl-collar jackets for the guys but Emily Post's protocol did not allow for tuxedos.  Luckily the sack coat illustration in Etiquette (there were no descriptions to be found anywhere on the net or in any book we came across) showed a jacket with a shawl-styled lapel so we went with Peter's choice figuring it was a perfect compromise!  We weren't so subtle with the gloves, however - we just plain ignored them!

Since the dresses for the women in the wedding party were an issue unique to a gay ceremony, they are discussed under SAME-SEX CEREMONIES, as are details related to having two grooms in the wedding party.   As for the parents and grandparents, we suggested that the ladies choose a dress colour to reflect the autumn theme and informed the men that a dark suit was perfectly sufficient.

- THE RESULTS - 

Another great example of "less is more:!  The men's outfits brilliantly achieved our goal of proving a sense of formality to the occasion without appearing like over-dressed teenagers at a high school prom. 

The ushers, meanwhile, finally found what they were looking for when Fairweather brought out their fall colours for their bridesmaid collection.  Probably no wedding complaint is more common than that of the bridesmaids having to buy hideously coloured and styled dresses they would never wear again.  Well, the only people happier with the dresses than we were were our sisters, both of whom have every intention of wearing them to future formal occasions!